So, we are driving home. I listen to Brian say, "and we're off, like a dirty shirt." I knew he was going to say it, he always does.
It's his calling card.
He also says:
"Hold onto your bras!"
"Bump it." (you know, fist bump... My husband is loving this right now).
"Its time to hang out with our wangs out and rock out with our cocks out." He has stopped saying this because I threatened his life. If I hear any of my children say this.... I will have his "wang" in a jar on my mantel... Lorena Bobbitt style.
So he has dropped the wang and cock part of the phrase. It doesn't help me much.
This all comes to mind after I have had to spend 4 hours in a car with him. This used to be lots of laughing and joking around. Now it's dealing with kids bathroom breaks, swearing at the DVD player that never seems to work right until I hit it and swear at it, and bribing with suckers, and me yelling at him not to get pulled over, and what else.... there's always more...
I start thinking about now and then.
We were down to one sleeping kid in the car. it was such a weird and wonderful feeling. We had a 2 hour car ride with only one kid.
My in-laws offered to take the girls to their house and spend the night. It gave us some much needed one on one time with Robs. He reveled in the attention he got from us. He LOVED every minute of it and so did we.
Then we had this one kid car ride! So different than a 3 kid car ride.
We were able to joke around and talk, he made fun off me and smirked at me, just like his father. The smirk that makes me want to smack it right off his face... the one where he is totally mocking me, the one that gets me every time, the one that makes me angry (to say the least).
And he knows it.
I tell him I forgot my camera.
He then tells me (with a *$@&% smirk on his face), "You know, you hold the memories right up here." Pointing to his big head.
This sends me into a verbal bashing of him and he just giggles and keeps smirking at me. Of course, I get more mad and get ready to punch him, but he's driving so I cant which makes him giggle more. Then I tell him I am going to smack that smirk right off his face.
Then I just sit and fume to more giggling.
Its not just the smirk either. Its the way he says whatever bullshit he says. He sounds nice when he says it but really hes smirking at me and saying ridiculous things along with it. Its just stupid.
And it bothers me.
And he knows it.
Get the picture.
He asked me (while smirking), "Whats the difference between a smirk and a smile?"
I tell him, "The thought behind it. You know the thought you have in your head right now."
Normally his thought is to make me mad.
I will admit, it is easy to make me mad, especially for Brian. He has had LOTS of practice.
9 years to be exact. He has loved every minute of it too.
I am sure this is a battle that I will lose every time. One that will go on for decades. This will be a war between us.
A mocking war.
You know the one where he mocks me and I get mad.
His smirk says it all.
In honor of Mikaela Lynch
5 hours ago